A question that I used to ask myself was, “How can the same students who have behavioral or emotional challenges respond differently to discipline or redirection from one teacher compared to how they may respond to another teacher?” One day, I asked a small group of my students, “Why do you respond respectfully to my discipline or redirection compared to other teachers to whom you show disrespect?” They responded simply with, “I know you care.” This blew me away. They were basically telling me that by simply letting them know that I cared, I had created a dynamic in which they respected my authority and received my redirection as “caring” rather than threatening.
I remember my first year of teaching high school—I wanted to quit several times. At one point in the year, I felt hopeless. I would come home every day with a sore throat from all the yelling and screaming I was doing in the classroom. Due to my inconsistencies with classroom expectations and lack of structure, there was no learning taking place in my classroom. I spent all my class time managing and redirecting student behavior. Until I had a positive encounter with one of my students who had severe behaviors and was always suspended from school.
From that point on, it didn’t take me long to recognize the importance of building relationships with students. I’ve since learned that building relationships with students who are behaviorally and emotionally challenged is not easy. In fact, it can be a mental and emotional roller coaster for us. Building relationships takes time. So, imagine trying to build multiple relationships with multiple students within one school year. It could take the entire school year to build these relationships—or it could take a month. Establishing relationships is only the beginning, as teachers, we also find ourselves having to maintain and restore relationships with students throughout the year. Regardless of how long it might take the enduring benefits from such efforts are incomparable.
